Rules of the Lab

One of my chemistry professors had a list of "rules" for the lab, which never failed to make me laugh. Here's my list of lab rules, which includes some from that list, some from similar list on the Internet, and some of my own making (hint: mine are all the really clever ones. Obviously. ;) )

1. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
2. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
3. Experiments must be reproducible. They should fail the same way every time.
4. Always keep a record of your data; it indicates that you've been working.
5. The machinery will wait to fail until the one person who knows how to fix it leaves the building.
6. Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
7. Hot glassware looks the same as cold glassware.
8. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
9. No experiment is a complete failure. It can at least serve as a negative example.
10. Any experiment, no matter how many times it's been done and how well you know it, will take twice as long as normal when you have "just enough time" to finish it before the end of the day/that important meeting/lunch time.
11. Teamwork is essential, as it allows you to blame someone else.
12. All unmarked containers hold fast-acting and extremely toxic poisons.
13. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but I think this is a good start. I might post them at work one day, but I'll probably wait until someone else is around to read them. :)